On Failure

Sooo... I FAILED my Whole90. And I'm okay with that. I'm chalking it up to a learning experience. In a way, I kind of needed to get out of my rut. Not my healthy rut, but my "I'm a Whole30 expert" rut that led to me being a little too cocky. Halloween candy was not my downfall, though I did indulge.

What happened? Oh, a few things...

1. I was sad. In particular I was feeling like people didn't like me. Like nothing I do is ever good enough. I've lost 30lbs this year, but that didn't stop me from feeling lonely, boring and less than on occasion. I do this thing...do you do this?...where I think skinny people have no problems and if I just get my weight under control all of life will fall into place. But whether I lose or gain, things can still be tough, and when the going gets tough, I crave sugar.
2. That was magnified by the fact that I haven't been making any progress this round. So many nights of forgoing wine and chocolate for nothing is less than motivating. Has Whole30 stopped working for me? No. I think I stopped working for Whole30. I was obeying the letter of the law--well most of the letters--but letting certain things slide. More snacking (including at night, and usually with dried fruit and nuts). More looking away when eating out (who cares what those potatoes were cooked in!). And I was slacking in the food prep department, which always bodes ill...
3. I was hormonal (see #1). Believe it or not, I just started my second period since having my third child 20 MONTHS AGO. He's a heavy nurser, and I'm no spring chicken, so apparently my body was convinced that I didn't have the resources to support another kiddo. Thanks, body; I'm in agreement with that. But the return of my period has been comparable to heavy old machinery cranking back on. A lot of groaning and gears grinding and squeaking...

I'm telling myself that it's good to fail every once in a while. Because right now my back is killing me. I always have issues with my back, but it occurs to me that it hurts WAY more after my torrid affair with sugar. Aaaaand I'm bloated. And I'm asking myself, self, you were sad and sliding into your jeans, and now you're sad and tugging the jeans on, so was the pity binge worth it? Did it help ANYTHING?

No. No it did not.

My mood and outlook on life is a lot better when I'm eating Whole30, but that doesn't mean that it's perfect and that I never have a bad gluten-free day. Hashtag truth or whatever.

Anyway, I'm climbing right back on this horse and riding it until my birthday as previously planned. Three days off plan is not the one day off plan I had promised myself when I began my downward spiral. But it's not the weeks and months off plan that I've lived in the past.

No Gym, No Problem?

I have had a gym membership off and on since I was 17, and joining or quitting has always been an awkward experience.

When joining gyms there's this awesome FREE personal training session they "offer" that they nail down an appointment for right then. I. Hate. These. Every time I have done one of these sessions I feel terrible about myself afterwords. First off, they like to calculate your BMI which for me has always been slightly above normal (as I'm told by everyone else, its because I'm SO "muscular.") Then they move on to ask me what my goals are... at 17 it was just, "Oh, I want to be 'toned'" later on I had wanted to lose 5-10 lbs and one lady looked straight at me and said, "And do you think you can do that by yourself if you haven't been able to so far?" (Yes... I cried, I mean I was 22 and only wanted to lose a few pounds!!!!) I don't want to join a community that whenever I walk through the doors I feel like I'm being judged about how I look and what I'm doing while I'm there. And don't even get me started on the process of trying to "quit" the gym (Please just refer to the episode of Friends where Chandler would rather close his bank account than speak to the gym about quitting.) I want to be a part of a community that supports each other, and builds self-confidence.

It took me years to figure out that motivation lead by the urge to get rid of the body I hated didn't work for me. My body didn't start responding until I was treating it with care and time. It's not about starving yourself and punishing yourself with grueling hours of non-stop sweat sessions. It's about only putting in whole healthy foods to fuel fun activities that get you moving. It wasn't until I did a Whole30 that I really realized how much food impacted my body weight/shape, and then I realized I only needed to do 30 minute workouts and I was finally getting somewhere with my weightloss. I preach this all the time, because really who wants to starve and workout all the time when you can eat the right things and make sure you move for at least 30 minutes a day?!?! My first couple Whole30s I didn't even work out. After our Whole 100 was over I remember going out to run 3 miles for the Tone it Up Bikini Series, thinking "I'll aim to run 1 mile and just walk/jog the rest" (I hadn't run in probably 6 months, I HATE RUNNING, and I could make it 3 miles if I was focusing on running more often.) I was amazed how I could do the entire 3 miles without stopping or feeling fatigued the entire time! Then I thought, well, I've been working out consistently, eating good food, and I've lost over 20lbs, so ya some activities that use to be hard could be fun now!

So back to the gym! The last time I had a gym membership I just paid for the entire year upfront, this way I didn't have to face the dreaded "break-up" (Even tho they did call and send me emails, they were no longer taking my money out of my account when I wasn't going...) And I set up the training session, and later cancelled it and never re-scheduled it, because I don't need that kind of negativity in my life... I went, I did machines, I got in pretty good shape for my wedding (mostly thanks to Whole 30.) But When my year was up, I didn't go back.

This is when we started our Whole100 and Kayla Itsines Bikini Body 12 week workout guide. I am a firm believer in no gym, no problem! In fact, I'm living proof of it -25lbs later. Once summer started I had co-workers and friends suggest I should try their gym or fitness centers that they love so much, which - don't get me wrong sounded fun but at the same time I had gotten into a groove, a FREE groove. I wasn't paying $20-100 a month to workout, I was intrinsically motivated to move when I got home from work everyday.

So here's the shocker... I joined the gym today. I know, after all that, what am I thinking?!?! Here's why I made this decision: 1. My husband never stopped his membership and tells me I should go with him all the time. 2. Co-workers have memberships, are going to the classes ($5 a class if I go, however the membership is $20/month) 3. I'm looking to switch up my cardio routines. Lately, I've just been itching to try a spin class, and feeling like I need to step out of my comfort zone. I have been so motivated by the Tone It Up girls to try something new and take classes. So I'm gonna go for it! Frankly, I no longer give a damn what people may think about me when I walk into the gym. Over the course of this year I have really built up my confidence (mostly thanks to our Instagram account and the amazing supportive people in our community.) I know now that when I walk into a class I will no longer be the shy quiet girl in the corner, I will be that girl that offers encouragement to other women and not judgement. So here I go on a road to step out of my comfort zone, try new things, and hopefully make some new fitness friends!

Meal Prep and Workouts 8.23.15

Weekly Meal Prep:

This week I dusted off my Well Fed and Whole30 Cook Books

Breakfasts- From the Whole30 book: Spinach Fritatta (I know what you're thinking, does this girl ever get sick of eggs? and the answer is NO #TEAMEGGSFOREVER) Not as pretty as in the Whole30 book, but not bad for the first time ;)

Lunches-

Since I will be increasing my exercise this week, I am adding an extra meal. Previously, I had a small snack about 30 minutes before my workout, then had dinner 30 minutes Post Workout (PWO). Now that I am planning to move in the morning and evenings I will NEED to make a 4th meal vs just a small snack. I've heard the common, eat every 3 hours to keep your metabolism up, but Jillian Michaels recommends that every 4-5 hours gives your body the chance to burn off the fat, and I am much more successful with this approach. I've been following this routine for about a year now. So, if I eat breakfast at 7, I aim to eat lunch between 11-12 (this really just depends on how I feel that day, sometimes 11 takes forever to get here or it's already 12 and I wasn't even thinking about it- really it is all about your meals and activities. If you feel like you're starving by 11 everyday you may need to reevaluate your breakfasts.)

For first lunch, I made the Classic Chili recipe from the Whole30 book, but with ground turkey instead of beef (because I have a lot of turkey, not because I don't like red meat) and I added potatoes as suggested if you are more active.  For second lunch, from the Well Fed Cookbook: Waldorf Chicken Salad, I have been craving chicken salad for a couple weeks now. I am throwing this over a bed of spinach. This has a good source of protein and fat which I will need before my afternoon workouts.

Weekly Workouts: Kayla Itsines BBG Week 8

I made my goal for the week to workout 4 mornings this week, next week goin for 5! Since I'm starting week 9 next week, I will also be increasing my LISS/HIIT workouts during the week (as recommended in the guide.) I have also started to read the Tone it Up girl's book, and will be incorporating 28 days to Fit, Fierce, and Fab into my daily routine for this last month! What's motivating me to amp up my fitness goals this month? It's exactly 1 month until our 1 year wedding anniversary! We have a beach weekend getaway planned, and I couldn't be more excited!

MONDAY: AM: Kayla Itsines Week 8 Arms and Abs PM: Dance Cardio

TUESDAY: AM: Jillian Michaels Body Revolution Cardio 2 PM: Dance Cardio

WEDNESDAY: AM: Kayla Itsines Week 8 Abs and Cardio PM: Tennis

THURSDAY: PM: Jillian Michaels Body Revolution Cardio 2

FRIDAY: PM: Kayla Itsines Week 8 Legs and Cardio

SATURDAY: Recovery day/ Stretch

SUNDAY: Tennis!

Weekly Workouts 8.10.15- 8.16.15

This is week 7 of my second round through the Kayla Itsines Bikini Body Guide (BBG)-  Last week I switched my rest day to Friday, so I did legs on Saturday and then again on Monday and. it. HURT! So I followed my usual routine this week. I'm trying to integrate more Tone It Up workouts into my weekly workout routines, I love their energy and I workout harder when I have a video to keep up with. It's so convenient to roll out of bed, and just turn on to their YouTube channel. One of my goals is to get my workouts in in the morning. This week I was able to motivate myself to get up early Monday, Tuesday, and Sunday for morning workouts. Guess I'll aim for 4 days next week, stay tuned ;)

This week's workouts:

MONDAY: Week 7 Legs and Cardio

TUESDAY: Tone it Up: HIITY BITTY BIKINI (20 min HIIT workout)

WEDNESDAY: Week 7 Arms and Abs

THURSDAY: Tone it Up: Ultimate Bootycall Workout (30 min HIIT workout)

FRIDAY: Week 7 Abs and Cardio

SATURDAY: Jillian Michaels Body Revolution Cardio 2 (30 min LISS)

SUNDAY: RUNDAY! 3 miles (30 min)/ Stretch

For meal prep today I needed to use up the food in my fridge so I made the same thing I had last week. Like I've said before, I know eating the same thing for breakfasts and lunches isn't for everyone, but it works for me. And sometimes I'm lazy and need to use what I have up before it goes bad. At this timeI am trying to shed the birthday weight I gained so I am paying attention to my portions, keeping it Whole30 and watching my fruit intake.

If You Know You're An Abstainer or You Think You Might Be...

I love the Whole30. I love Melissa Hartwig. But man, that one-bite article gives me anxiety. The first time I read it, we had completed our Whole100, and I felt ready to face the world. I felt successful and confident and ready to finally master the moderation philosophy that I've aspired to my entire life (or at least the last 20 years that I've cared about such things).

And I failed. I had an Instagram account dedicated to my Whole30 journey; I followed the advice and I failed. Now, I love me some tough love, and often I've found myself wincing and chuckling when I get called out (the "At least it's better than..." rant Melissa posted was one current example). But in this case I read the tough love portion that implied that I wasn't taking responsibility for my thought processes, that if I just paid a little more attention to my food and didn't let myself off the hook I'd be golden--and it pretty much led to despair because how could I do all this work and have all of this accountability and still not be able to do this?

I told myself "this is just the way I eat now" and "I'm learning to ride my own bike," but each week I was gradually allowing myself more treats. I'd say no to a donut. Later I restricted myself to one piece of pizza. By the time the dessert train rolled around, I was tired of making decisions and tasting yummy things but cutting myself off. I felt like I was constantly questioning myself and having to make numerous decisions about food at each meal, and it was exhausting. Major decision fatigue each and every day.

There's a follow-up post that addresses this a little. But I was still left hanging. I decided to do another Whole30.

This is what it looks like when an Abstainer tries to Moderate. Wrong direction, belly! Mind you, the 80/20 picture was taken AFTER my June Whole30 when I tried to reign things back in. I couldn't face taking a picture before I started, so I was probably even poochier. Also, I did not work out consistently at all during our Whole100. In the 80/20 pic, I'd been working out consistently for 7 weeks...

When I compared the picture I took at the end of June with the one after our Whole100 in April, I had a breakdown. The prospect of thinking about my food so much again only to find myself back sliding made me slightly crazy and I took a couple weeks off of Instagram and off of healthy eating at all.

Now, I should mention that I've never struggled with over restricting myself. This article on the Whole30 site is a good one to read to make sure that you're not calling yourself an abstainer as a way to justify disordered eating.  There's a list of questions in that post to help you determine if you're mis-using the Whole30. I answered an emphatic "NOPE. LOL" to each question.

After a couple weeks, I was more scared about re-gaining all the weight I'd lost than I was about facing Instagram again, but I still wasn't sure what to do. I admired all of these accounts that declared "I'm not on Whole30, that's just how I eat now." How to do that? How, how, how, how... And that's when I decided I'd post about my "Ticket Theory" and see what kind of feedback I got. Then someone mentioned Gretchen Rubin's Better Than Before and I read it and BOOM. It was like daylight flooded in.

I'd written about my understanding of her Abstainer vs. Moderator personalities before, but reading stuff like the One-Bite Rule made me doubt myself. Maybe I was just not fully enlightened yet? After numerous Whole30s and a Whole100??  But at one point in the book Rubin mentions that pretty much every nutritionist she's ever known is a moderator and that moderators and abstainers can be very judgmental about each other; I was like THANK YOU. FINALLY.

Interestingly, Rubin also mentions Gary Taubes' book Why We Get Fat, which I've also read. I wasn't completely sold on all of his science, but it did get me wondering if maybe, just maybe, some of us experience food differently than others? What if it's not just that I'm more stupid or lazy or have less self control than my ideal-weight friends, but that I'm actually struggling with different kinds of reactions when I take in certain foods?

Anyway, the weekend I finished the book, I decided to embrace myself and wave my abstainer freak flag high. I cannot tell you how free I feel now. It's only been two weeks, true, but I'm just...happier. I know what to do now.

Here's how this works, and you moderators prob won't understand, but if you're abstainer, I'm sure that you will identify:

Last night my husband sat next to me eating a bowl of ice cream after the kids had gone down. This has always been the time of day that I struggle with cravings. I could smell the ice cream, and the thought of having some popped into my head. And then I thought, "Nope, if I have a bite I'll want more. I'm an abstainer." Case closed. I had no ice cream, and I didn't think about it any further.

Had I asked him for a bite, I would have spent the rest of the evening thinking about having more. At some point I would have gotten myself a bowl. And possibly a second one. And then today while he's at work, I would have an ice cream spoon on the counter and I would have been sneaking bites here and there whenever I felt like I needed a reward... What I think moderators don't understand is that I don't feel deprived when I'm abstaining; when I have one bite, I feel deprived in a way similar to what they describe when they're trying to abstain.

This post is getting lengthy, so I'm gonna wrap up, but I have more to say about accepting myself and the positives about being an Abstainer, so I'll have to do a part two on this.

In conclusion:

Book Review: Better Than Before

I've been following Gretchen Rubin's blog for a while, and finally bit the bullet and bought her latest book Better Than Before after one commenter on our Instagram page recommended it. And then I read it in one weekend.

The book is about habits, which I'm particularly interested in, obvi since I have a whole Instragram account dedicated to health and fitness.

Gretchen categorizes people into four categories: Upholders, Questioners, Rebels, and Obligers. I thought I was an Obliger through most of the book, but when I looked through her questions at the end, I realized I'm actually a Questioner. (Meanwhile there was never any doubt that my husband is a Questioner. If you ask our family to do something, there are many questions...). For each category she lists different strategies for how you can motivate yourself to establish the habits you would like to have in your life.

But the part that had me jumping up and down was her chapter about Moderators vs. Abstainers. It was like this huge life secret that I'd known instinctively but had never seen validated in print before. She's talked about it a little on her blog, and I'd mentioned that her, but the book had some great points. I practically howled YEEAAAHSSS when she casually mentioned that she's never met a nutritionist who wasn't a moderator.

There's plenty for moderators too. What I liked is that she approaches habits by addressing what works for your type of personality--so many time-management/self help/organizational books have a more stringent, "this is what (one type of) successful people do, so do it this way."

Anyway, the abstainer thing may just have changed my life. More on that later.

Meal Prep 8.9.15

This Week I decided to make the same scrambled I made last week (see last week's post.)

For lunch I put together 5 red potatoes, 5 zucchini/squash, and 5 chicken apple sausages. I like to cut up my potatoes and place in a large ziplock bag with olive oil, and seasonings to shake up and coat evenly. I place the potatoes in the oven for ten minutes at 400, while I cut up the zucchini. I pull out the potatoes, flip, then add the zucchini to the sheet for another 10 minutes. Then, I cut up my sausages and throw them on top in the oven for 5 minutes, oven turned off. It's pretty simple, very fast, which is how I prefer to meal prep on a relaxing Sunday!

Weekly Workouts 8.3.15- 8.9.15

Week 6 of Kayla Itsines Bikini Body Guide- I mixed up my routine a bit this week and took my rest day on Friday!

This week's workouts:

MONDAY: Week 6 Arms and Abs

TUESDAY: Jillian Michaels Body Revolution Cardio 2 (HIIT)

WEDNESDAY: Week 6 Abs and Cardio

THURSDAY: Jillian Michaels One Week Shred Cardio (HIIT)

FRIDAY: Rest Day

SATURDAY: Week 6 Legs and Cardio

SUNDAY: P90x Cardio-X (LISS)/ Stretch

The Ticket Theory

Those of you who enjoy moderation, y'all just sit this one out, mkay?

Let me preface this by saying that I'm a huge researcher, and I've read all the Whole30 posts on life after your 30 multiple times.

Here's the thing: decision fatigue is real, and that's why the rules work for me--I don't have to ask myself if something is worth it. It's super cute that Melissa Hartwig can eat two bites of a donut and then stop because it's no longer worth it, but if I don't cover that donut in coffee grounds, I WILL RETURN. No matter how crappy it was. Making a decision at every bite is a quick way for me to lose my mind. Even with a Whole100 under my belt, it's still a problem. Telling myself that I'm free to make worth-it decisions on the fly is a sure fire way to chaos. Returning to the Whole30 is a helpful strategy, but it makes me likely to EAT ALL THE THINGS before I start.



On the other hand, I'm not a robot who can swear off less-healthy food forever. So, recently I've been thinking about giving myself a certain number of tickets a year for one meal of craziness. And that's it. No Thanksgiving dinner that leads into my birthday weekend five days of craziness, but two separate tickets that I consciously spend and make sure that the meal I get will be worth it. Predetermined "worth it" moments, if you will. Enough to cover single holiday meals and a few spare for random events that come up (but not so many that I wouldn't have to be discriminating).

Thoughts? I'd love to hear from fellow abstainer types who've mastered healthy eating for the long term.

Meal Prep 8.2.15

BREAKFAST

Scramble-

1 gold potato

1/2 lb ground turkey

2 tomatoes

onion/ spinach

15 eggs

seasoned with garlic, onion powder, basil, salt

LUNCH

5- Chicken Sausage

1- HUGE Sweet Potato

1- Bag of Trader Joe's Green Beans

baked at 400 for 20 minutes (flip at 10 minutes)

seasoned with olive oil, garlic, parsley, salt, pepper

1- Bag of Trader Joe's Carrots

Weekly Workout 7.27.15- 8.2.15

After 3 weeks off from Kayla Itsines Bikini Body Guide, I picked up where I left off!

This Week's Workouts:

MONDAY: AM- Jillian Michaels Body Revolution Cardio 2 (30 minutes of cardio) 

PM- Kayla Itsines Bikini Body Guide Week 5 Legs

TUESDAY: Tone It Up Beach Babe HIIT the Beach 2 (40 minutes of HIIT)/ foam roll

WEDNESDAY: Kayla Itsines Bikini Body Guide Week 5 Arms and Abs/ foam roll

THURSDAY: Tone It Up Beach Babe Ultimate Bootycall (30 minutes of HIIT)

FRIDAY: Kayla Itsines Bikini Body Guide Week 5 Abs and Cardio

SATURDAY: Tone It Up HIITY Bitty Bikini (20 minutes of HIIT) - House cleaning day :)

SUNDAY: P90x X-Stretch/foam roll

Meal Prepping with Condiments

This weekend, I slow roasted a pork shoulder- I made a Sweet n' Savory BBQ sauce to make a Whole30 version of Pulled Pork. It turned out SO good!

For lunches this week, I decided to mix it up and make two different meals. For the first: I added ground turkey, with spinach to my left over spaghetti squash (roasted with olive oil, garlic, and parsley)

For the second meal this week, I pulled out my Well Fed cookbook. I made Mayo for the first time!! It turned out beautifully! While I was at it, I decided to make some ranch to keep in the fridge too.

I was extremely proud of the results and used the mayo to make a Waldorf chicken salad.

I buy my veggies in bulk from Costco so for breakfasts and dinners this week I chopped up and froze my veggies so they wont go bad!

My Favorite Winter Stew

I've been making this yummy stew as soon as the canned pumpkin arrives at Costco for the last few years. It's so easy--just throw a few things in the crock-pot and let it go, come back later and stir a few more things in, done!--and I love the beautiful colors. I bring it to all my friends who have babies in the cold weather--it's so rich in iron and nourishing! It's also one of the recipes my guests request the most often.

RECIPE HERE

Some notes:

I sub the acorn squash with that precut butternut squash from Costco. And since I'm on a Whole30 and since fresh cranberries are in season and also available at Costco right now, I threw those in instead of the dried. I was a little scared about what would happen because the sweet hit is kind of nice in the original recipe, but the hit of sour wasn't bad either!

Paleo Pumpkin Beef Stew with Acorn Squash and Cranberries

Meal Prepping

Today is my last day of vacation before I return to work full-time. The only way I have been able to stick to eating healthy is to prepare, and I've learned along the way some useful tricks for me personally to stay on course. I always meal prep on Sunday afternoons, and bake mass amounts- I find this the easiest- and the easiest way ensures consistency for me.

My dogs have learned to run to the kitchen when I pull out the cutting board.... I am a bit of a messy cook.

I know it's not for everyone but I make the same meal for lunch throughout the week. It's still a treat for me as I use foods that my husband doesn't like to eat, and I don't include them in my other meals. For lunches this week I prepped a mix of sweet potatoes, red potatoes, Aidells chicken and apple sausage, onions, bell peppers, and cauliflower. I like to cut up my potatoes- add a bit of oil and seasoning in a gallon bag and shake it up to make sure they are all evenly coated.

I stick it in the oven at 400 for 15 minutes, pull them out to mix it up, add the veggies and sausage, and place back in the oven for another 15 minutes. I have successfully burned potatoes enough to remember to mix it up in between... Also, when cutting my veggies I started cutting up extra to keep in the fridge for breakfasts throughout the week. I have never been a big breakfast person, and on Whole30 eating within the first hour of waking up is extremely difficult for me while getting ready for work- so precut veggies is a big help for my eggs in the morning!

This is a quick, simple, and easy clean up meal... YOU SHOULD SMELL MY KITCHEN...

I let cool and divide evenly into 5 portions. TA DA!!!!

Now in the mornings I grab and go!

Know Thyself

Yesterday on Instagram I posted one of my favorite quotes (over a picture of my breakfast)(because I can).

When I was in college, I developed what I called the "Squirrel vs. Golden Retriever" theory. I'd heard Goldens will eat everything you put in front of them, so you have to monitor their food more carefully than you would with, say, a cat. Meanwhile, I had a roommate who I was convinced was part squirrel. She didn't eat junk food very often, but she hid it all over the apartment. Just knowing that it was there in case she had an emergency Kit Kat need was enough for her. When she left for the weekend, I (a Golden Retriever if there ever was one) would sniff out all of her treats and devour them. I'm not a total jerk--I'd replace all of them before she got back. And then I'd do it all again the next weekend.

Years and years later I came across Gretchen Rubin's description of Abstainers vs. Moderators, which is a lot more eloquent than my squirrels and dogs labels. If you've ever been successfully avoiding less healthy foods only to be told by a skinny friend that it is not healthy to deprive yourself--and then your treats turn into "it's Wednesday night, so I must need a treat because I went to work and came home, right?"--you might be an abstainer. And you might want to read the article I linked to above because it's super helpful in understanding how you operate vs. your friend who's never struggled with weight.

And if you're an abstainer who has figured out how to "offroad" successfully CALL ME. That's probably my biggest challenge at this point.

Thanks for Stopping By!

We're going to be 'Grammin it up as Whole100sisters on IG, but this will be our spot for more in-depth discussions about challenges, learnings, our goals, and any tips we stumble upon.