Let's Talk Turkey About Post Partum Whole30

I've been mulling over this post for a while
because we try to keep an overall positive tone on the WholeLifeSisters. And that wasn't hard at all the last time around when weight was falling off of Annah and I.  Each time we did progress pics, there WAS change. And I also felt REALLY good. My mood was more even, I had more energy, and I was really proud of myself.

So I was really looking forward to this round. Nevermind that my baby was five months younger than the last baby I did this with! Since this is baby #4, I have plenty of past experience to tell me that I don't lose much weight until the end of baby's first year, but I guess I hoped that some kind of Whole30 magic would happen and Things Would be Different This Time. And even if the weight was slower, I craved all of those good feelings I mentioned last time around. NSVs FTW!!!!!!!! #amiright

Thsee were my results in 2015

Well, PERHAPS I am feeling much better than I otherwise would. Hard to know what would have happened in an alternate universe. But I don't feel great. I am so tired. Mind numbingly tired. Because my baby has good nights and then she has really crappy nights and even the good nights aren't the 9 hours of sleep my body craves. I average about 4.5 hours. Because I also have a toddler. And a husband. There's not a lot I can do about this situation right now.

FACT: Being up a lot and being tired all day makes you crave carbs and also more food than you would normally eat.

Several people, when I whine about how disappointed I am with my results this round, have suggested that I cut back on portion sizes and exercise more.

Have I mentioned that I also homeschool my kids? And might I underscore that there are four of them? I don't get naps. I don't have a lot of time. Eating Whole30 has already been a huge commitment because I don't get to throw in the towel and order a pizza when the day has gone sideways. I can't even buy a standard salad dressing. Chopping vegetables is a part time job at this point. I've put serious work into making this a priority and sticking to it.

So, yes, perhaps in theory I could do more. But given my limitations of Other Priorities, budget, personality type, and life stage, it just isn't realistic. My portions have reduced naturally since I started Whole30 (this always happens, which is why I eat to satiety and [usually] don't stress about it), but I could eat less--but being hungry on top of everything else I have going on just isn't going to fly. Probably not a good idea for my milk production either. Yep, still nursing.

And if you hadn't picked up on this, I'm also in a really bad mood. Likely it's also related to sleep, but yeah. All that positivity and energy--MIA. About the only thing I feel like I've gained on this Whole120--and all that is currently keeping me going--is the knowledge that I stuck to it and I don't have to ask myself what might have been.

My mind is in a totally different place than at the end of the Whole100. Then I was contemplating staying Whole30 FOREVAH! I felt so good, and I definitely did not want to slide back into bad habits. This time I just keep thinking I want a huge glass of wine and DESSERT. I'm actually hoping I haven't hurt myself with this Whole120 by making it harder psychologically to continue eating well after my time is up. I'm wondering if Food Freedom only comes when you like how you look and feel--and if you don't, you're just screwed no matter how hard you worked.

And,  yes, I should be gentle with myself, give grace, recognize that my body has produced and nourished four humans, blah, blah, blah... it's just frustrating, SO FRUSTRATING, to do the work and still not be able to get your wedding ring back on. Still need to go buy another round of clothes in a larger size. We're not talking about the last 5-10 lbs here...I'm significantly overweight. I don't recognize myself in pictures and it feels like I'm trapped in this body.

So we have 20 days left, and I'm working to put some new rules in place. I just don't trust myself to "listen to your body" because my body is stressed out and wants cake and a martini. I don't know if this will work or not, maybe it's another bad idea, but I'll report back.