I've been struggling with body issues quite a bit this pregnancy. It's my fourth pregnancy and I've always struggled. This time though I've specifically struggled with the fact that last year I was doing a Whole100 at this time last year and every month brought new (desired) changes to my body. I was happy to take selfies. I felt accomplished.
It's ridiculous that I'm over here growing a human and feeling less accomplished because my waist (amongst other things) is expanding.
After reading the article, there were a couple of things I wanted to add because it felt mostly focused on women who struggle with wanting to limit food and stay as skinny as possible during pregnancy and are so terrified of becoming overweight that they may eat less than they should. Which is a common struggle and important to talk about.
The actual tips in the red headlines were great; it was just some of the discussion that I couldn't identify with (but take this with a grain of salt because I am pregnant and hormonal). Because I've been overweight. I've been overweight while not pregnant! I've never been less than 20lbs above my ideal weight when I started a pregnancy. I knew I was never going to have the "basketball under the shirt" look because I didn't start with a physique that made that possible. A woman who's never been over a size 6 or 8 might assume that I just don't care. But I do. When I'm not pregnant, I always have this hope that soon I'm going to "get it in gear" and lose the weight. I have hope! But when I'm pregnant, that hope is a long way off. The thing is, rather than restrict myself, I do the opposite. I say screw it, I'm not society's version of attractive and now I'm not going to be any time soon--might as well have some ice cream. And pizza. Is that a cookie... This was discussed in the first tip, but it was mostly "don't do that."
True confessions: I wanted to be the girl who would have tips and tricks for y'all on how to navigate the nausea and cravings with healthy alternatives, but I fell flat on my face. It is damn. hard. Even if you spent the previous year eating really well. I know exactly what to do; I've just been too tired and overwhelmed to care.There are so many factors at play--not least of all the hormones that make me a bit unstable to begin with (I am "blessed" with PREnatal depression--it's like the only time in my life I don't procrastinate, ha! If you suspect you might have this, definitely talk to your doctor and see about getting help. It certainly makes food issues even tougher.). I have the best of intentions to eat nutrient dense, nourishing foods, but sprinkle in my first trimester food aversions combined with the fact that I'm nauseous unless I'm actively eating. So then I'm eating all kinds of foods that I know are of no benefit to me or the baby. Then the guilt of doing something less than ideal for my child...plus the self loathing of not being able to control myself. Once I'm through that part, I'm only second trimester, but I look like I'm in my third. Cue the curious onlookers asking when I'm due and then giving me the raised eyebrow, wide eyes as they wonder just how closely I'll resemble Violet Beauregarde by the end.
The thing is, we don't know another woman's life and we all experience pregnancy in different ways. I've heard several women say they gained a lot when they ate great and when they ate poorly. Another person recently told me she only gained 15 pounds and everything was fine. But people always gotta talk. And I wish it didn't affect me, but it does. Annah and I have been texting A LOT about why it is that people who would normally talk about your weight behind your back seem to think that your pregnancy gives them license to openly discuss your body in front of you and *cringe* in GROUPS with you present! We're already abnormally sensitive and feeling like we have to respond publicly for our bodies (sometimes the words "huge" and "fat" are even used) is excruciating. It certainly doesn't help the body image issues. We can already see that certain clothes look like tents and that our thighs are keeping pace with the belly.
I've been Whole30 for the last couple weeks though, and I can say this: I've suddenly had more energy and a more positive outlook on things. And I honestly needed that more than a cute body, even if I sort of wanted the cute body more...
I'm clearly no diet expert. Mostly I'm here to offer commiseration more than advice. But last year I talked a lot about learning the lesson "trust the process." When you have a lot of weight to lose, you want to drop it fast, but focusing on the rules and the fact that I was taking care of my body no matter how it physically changed was key. And eventually my body did respond, which was very rewarding. Now I'm having to go deeper into that lesson. I'm having to trust the process even though I KNOW the process is not leading to a flat stomach. Last year, many of my non-scale victories were still changes toward being more physically attractive. So far, that hasn't been happening here.
Now I have to really just appreciate the rules for what they are. As an abstainer, I had to make a firm commitment to myself (and a few key witnesses) that I'm doing this. Decision made; discussion over. Pass me some sweet potatoes, please.
If you're not there yet, just keep trying. This is my third or fourth attempt (losing track). Onward and upward, Whole30ers.
