Sooo... I FAILED my Whole90. And I'm okay with that. I'm chalking it up to a learning experience. In a way, I kind of needed to get out of my rut. Not my healthy rut, but my "I'm a Whole30 expert" rut that led to me being a little too cocky. Halloween candy was not my downfall, though I did indulge.
What happened? Oh, a few things...
1. I was sad. In particular I was feeling like people didn't like me. Like nothing I do is ever good enough. I've lost 30lbs this year, but that didn't stop me from feeling lonely, boring and less than on occasion. I do this thing...do you do this?...where I think skinny people have no problems and if I just get my weight under control all of life will fall into place. But whether I lose or gain, things can still be tough, and when the going gets tough, I crave sugar.
2. That was magnified by the fact that I haven't been making any progress this round. So many nights of forgoing wine and chocolate for nothing is less than motivating. Has Whole30 stopped working for me? No. I think I stopped working for Whole30. I was obeying the letter of the law--well most of the letters--but letting certain things slide. More snacking (including at night, and usually with dried fruit and nuts). More looking away when eating out (who cares what those potatoes were cooked in!). And I was slacking in the food prep department, which always bodes ill...
3. I was hormonal (see #1). Believe it or not, I just started my second period since having my third child 20 MONTHS AGO. He's a heavy nurser, and I'm no spring chicken, so apparently my body was convinced that I didn't have the resources to support another kiddo. Thanks, body; I'm in agreement with that. But the return of my period has been comparable to heavy old machinery cranking back on. A lot of groaning and gears grinding and squeaking...
I'm telling myself that it's good to fail every once in a while. Because right now my back is killing me. I always have issues with my back, but it occurs to me that it hurts WAY more after my torrid affair with sugar. Aaaaand I'm bloated. And I'm asking myself, self, you were sad and sliding into your jeans, and now you're sad and tugging the jeans on, so was the pity binge worth it? Did it help ANYTHING?
No. No it did not.
My mood and outlook on life is a lot better when I'm eating Whole30, but that doesn't mean that it's perfect and that I never have a bad gluten-free day. Hashtag truth or whatever.
Anyway, I'm climbing right back on this horse and riding it until my birthday as previously planned. Three days off plan is not the one day off plan I had promised myself when I began my downward spiral. But it's not the weeks and months off plan that I've lived in the past.
